Does that make me Craaazzzyy!?!?

I ain’t perfect, nobody walking this earth’s surface is… -Jay-Z

 
 

Even Lily needs to talk to someone lol

 

So, I’m just going to come out and say it. *clearing throat while sitting up tall* I have been going to therapy. Yes, you read right, a sista has been partaking in weekly couch sessions for the past 8 weeks, and frankly it’s something I should have done years ago. Now you may be reading this pondering to yourself, “OMG, I didn’t know Shelley was crazy?!?” *insert bbm shocked face* or “Why is she going, there’s nothing wrong with her” or “I would never go tell somebody my problems, I GOT JESUS!” *waves church fan* Whatever you may be thinking right now, that’s your business lol. But allow me to share why I chose to.

This actually is not my 1st dibble and dabble into the world of therapy. In the spring of 2002, my sophomore year of college at NC State University, I was 7 weeks into a Statistics class that was about to hand me my first ever D. Terrified of not passing the class, I asked some of my peers what to do. It was too late to drop the class, and getting a tutor just wasn’t my style (foolish pride). Someone suggested that I go to the counseling center, give them a believable sob story, and the powers that be could grant me a coveted withdrawal recommendation due to personal hardship. The plan seemed genius and cutting edge, and being the drama queen that I am/was, I accepted the challenge. So I put on my sad face, and marched down to the counseling center. I entered into the therapist’s office, and the 1st thing I noticed was that her name was Grace (my sweet grandmother’s name). It touched my heart and made me smile, but I had a task at hand. Get that class dropped!! So back to the sad face. And…scene! She began to asks me questions on why I came to see her, and since I couldn’t admit the real reason, I began to talk about my personal life. And then it hit me…man, I really do have issues! I spent an hour talking to her about everything, things I had experienced over the previous 2 years in college, my mistakes, my losses, my feelings, etc. I walked in that office on a deceptive mission, and the tables quickly got turned on me. After 4 sessions of meeting with Dr. Grace, my original mission was accomplished. I was able to drop the class without it affecting my GPA or credits, but I really walked out of there with much more; a deeper understanding and yearning to know myself personally and get to the root of some things. There was some repressed anger, uncontrolled emotions, fear, etc there, but at the ripe age of 19, I was not ready to face them. So I carried on my life.

Fast forward to 2010. I’m 27, and facing my 2nd cancer diagnosis in 2 years. Immediately I go into Faith Fighter mode, and I take on the treatments under the disguise of Wonderwoman, with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. I have support and love all around me, and I have a relationship with GOD that gives me the encouragement and power that I need. But it is hard. Mentally and emotionally. There are times when I am just angry about what happened, and I have taken it out on the wrong people. There were times when sadness has overtaken me for hours, and I couldn’t shake it. I knew back in 2008, after going thru treatments then, that I needed to seek out professional help. There were some feelings and emotions that I needed to address, but I went on with the mantra that everything was ok. But it wasn’t; the aftermath of the storm left some stones unturned and it was time to rebuild. Coming back to work  in September was difficult, having a million people ask me why did you cut your hair! Lord have mercy, if I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I could retire! Inside, I wanted to steal them in their face (I know drastic), but outside I just smiled and gave them some generic reply. It wasn’t really until this past December when I realized it’s ok to say everything is not ok. It doesn’t diminish my faith in that truth that God has healed me, but there were some skeletons in my emotional closet that I had to face. What lies beneath is often we ignore the most, until we are literally forced to deal with them. I didn’t want to be forced, I willingly surrendered. The white flag was being waved frantically! This experience brought up some many other things that I had long-buried, and it was time to dig them up and knock them out once and for all.

My Amber Rose impression lol

So I am 8 weeks in, and instead of feeling crazy, I feel empowered. I took the first step on the road to mental and emotional health, and I am already seeing major improvements in how I deal with life. One of the biggest things therapy has helped me to identify is my behavior patterns, how I respond and why, and then the tools I need to react more maturely and positively. Therapy for me is a complimentary tool in addition to where I go first and foremost with ALL of my issues, GOD and His Word. My active approach is to seek God’s guidance first, cast my cares on Him, and ask Holy Spirit for help, because that is His job ya know ;-). And He told me to go, so I went! LOL. He also led me to a book which I recently finished by Joyce Meyer called “Managing Your Emotions”, which was loaded with scriptures and Godly wisdom on how to handle your “issues”, and it was another resource for me to fight depression and fear. With the tools and training I have already received at church, and now with therapy, a sista is about to be unstoppable!

I don’t know how long I will go, but I’m sure Holy Spirit will tell me when. Therapy has allowed me to not be afraid of sharing my feelings, even with God. He knows what we are thinking anyways; He is just waiting for us to bring them to Him. There is a stigma associated with seeking professional help, but I am now at the point where I don’t care. I need some help and I am no longer afraid to admit or ask for it. Who cares what other people think anyways…like Kanye said, “We all self-conscious, I’m just the first to admit it”…

Psalm 43:5 (The Message)

 5 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
      Why are you crying the blues?
   Fix my eyes on God—
      soon I’ll be praising again.
   He puts a smile on my face.
      He’s my God.

 

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43 thoughts on “Does that make me Craaazzzyy!?!?

    • Shelly B.,

      I just read this off of Jennifer’s post and it touched my heart, because I know someone who needs to read this message of enpowerment. I forwarded it, and the person want more information. Please email me and I’ll give you further details. God bless you for truth.

      ReneeM

  1. This was AWESOME! Something many should read! This is my field of study so you just brought a major SMILE to my face! Go ahead with your unstoppable self girl!

  2. I told you years ago that you were my hero. This posting exemplifies your confidence, faith and leadership. Thanks for inspiring. Love ya! P.S. I got 3 classes dropped via the counseling center! I had that Afrocentric doctor that wore the dashikis. Praise the Lord for him!

    • This brought tears to my tears…I’m such a softie! LOL…thank you though. Your support means the WORLD to me. And we are HOOD…abusing resources cuz we didn’t wanna study! HAHAHHA

  3. This is so inspiring. My Dad is currently battling a cancer diagnosis. I hadn’t realized how stressful he could be. Thanks Shelley, I (and he) really needed this.

    P.S. The same thing happened to me as State and I came out so upset when I really just wanted to get a class dropped. I think we ALL had problems that we didn’t know about!!!

  4. Very Inspiring Shelley. I have contemplated therapy, its good to know theres nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. Nice blog, and good luck in your fight!

  5. You make me proud, baby sis. Your courage to step outside your comfort zone and share your experience is a reflection of how STRONG you truly are.

    P.S. – that pic is Beautiful! Amber Rose aint got nothing on you 🙂

  6. So powerful and moving! Going to definitely cop that Joyce Meyer book. Sending you love, hugs, positivity, and agreement with you that God is a healing God!

  7. Shelley,

    I am into tears this was so powerful and encouraging! I was having a bad day and complaining about a lot of things until I read this it made me realize Life is just to short! I have always admire you when we worked together and how pretty and smart you was. I use to say she is down here in NC away from her family in school and she is doing a great job! I am praying for you but I know God has your back…You have grown into an amazing woman and I am grateful to have met you!

  8. Shelly your are such a beautiful women both inside and out and I feel honored to know you. Thanks for sharing your heart and soul with us. Now Im going get behind on my work because now I want to go back and read all your blogs 🙂

  9. Wonderful as always Shelley. You have an amazing (written) voice and I’m honored to be able to read, relate to and share it. It’s unfortunate that the stigma exists and that people assume that therapy is a replacement for faithfulness and God. But, do we not see a doctor when we are ill? What’s the difference for depression, anxiety etc. Amen and kudos to you sister for transparency!!!

  10. i felt it would be rude to leave such an experience (reading your post)…without sharing how touched i was/am reading it.

  11. Shelly,
    Thank you for obeying Holy Spirit in touching the lives of many by sharing in this way. You are a woman of value and just like your Father…you knew this would help somebody. (God is always others-minded). Your picture is absolutely gorgeous. I see you’re wearing “Favour” glow. A stunning beauty both inside and out. Keep up the good writing. Lovin’ it!

  12. Shelley, God has made you such a light and inspiration. Your strength and humbleness through your journey has been so impactful on me. I didn’t speak with you much directly but I would always ask Nicole about your progress, and feel so proud about how you’ve faced cancer. You’ve always had such a vibrant personality and quick wit I really wanted you to hold on to that. Seeing you last week, I was emotional when you took your hat off because of how beautiful you are! And you’re not just beautiful because of your features or hair, you were beautiful because I could tell you were at one with yourself. And that’s only a gift that comes from God. I’m so glad you’ve chosen to share your story, I love you, I wish you peace!

  13. Shelley! What can I say! You get more awesome each day! I truly love and admire you! You give me strength to go on everyday and never take anything for granted! You are doing an amazing job and continue to shine your light pretty girl!

  14. That was just awesome. I’d say that more men, than women, really have an issue with admitting that there are areas in their life that they need help with.. Instead, these brothas – go through life broken.. and assume that “it’s The Man” holding them down.. when it’s some internal plumbing that needs to be tweaked.. There’s NOTHING wrong with seeking help.. The book of Proverbs talks about the man that thinks he knows it all and has all the answers, knows nothing at all. Sometimes God has to shake us up to get our attention; and let us know that He is in control.. Like on that VZ commercial.. Can you hear me now??

    Thanks so much for sharing.. Truly heartfelt thanks!

  15. “Phenomenal Woman” “YOU” “R” It takes someone with the heart to admit the innermost parts of themselves to get the release and closure that they need to go the next phase in their life. Now that “YOU” “R” “HEALED” AND IT IS SO” WALK IN HIS DIVINE PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE TO HELP OTHERS!Your still beautiful, now it is evident that it will be from the inside out as “HE” cleanses “YOU” Allow “HIM” and “NEVER EVER LOOK BACK! KEEP MOVING FORWARD!yOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!”PHENOMENAL WOMAN”

  16. WOW…..I’ve been exposed to a women with unbelievable courage! And I admire and applaud you for allowing God to use you in a mighty way. Love you my sister!

  17. Shelley , this Blog brought tears to my eyes . As soon as i saw your pretty face on your page , and all your hair cut off . I read until i got to the end of the page . You are a very special lady to me , i have known you since you were knee high . And now look at you , a Strong Black Woman . Dealing with the Up & Downs of Life , as well as Cancer . If Your Ever need to talk , i am only a phone call away . i will leave my # in your in-box . XOXOXOX . My Phone is on 24/7 , if you ever need Anything . . .

  18. Oh Shelley, I too remember my journey to student health and I could totally relate. Fighting cancer…not so much. But I have loved being in your corner, cheering you on, praying for you and watching you win. Some may think that the hardest thing in the world is to watch your champion suffer, but its hardest for a champion to expose their bruises and pain.

    You have always been hard on your self, never wanting to be the “weak-minded chic” well guess what? You’re not, but you are human. Let me tell you sister girl, It’s ok to admit weakness, sadness and pain, just be happy that GOD allows you to feel. Suffering makes his grace that much more valuable and where we are weak, He is our strength.

    You are my most precious friend. I value our friendship more than you know, that’s why I’m glad it was never lost, but almost loosing it may have increased it’s value. Keep inspiring, Keep praising and keep blogging cause “This stuff is Good!! (clap clap clap like the guy from Coming to America):)

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