I’ve had those days, where I wanted to be someone else, not good enough just being me. And I’ve those times, when I look into a mirror, not happy at all at what I see, cause I don’t feel special, and I don’t feel beautiful, I don’t feel smart enough, strong enough, good enough, feel like nothing at all, but in times like these I come back to the truth that I have found…I am beautifully and wonderfully made- Leah Smith “Beautifully Made”
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. Monday was one of those weird days. I don’t know if I was pms’ing or just having a good old-fashioned pity party , but a sista was not satisfied with herself. I looked in the mirror and saw a pudgy, frumpy looking mess, with 3 pimples, and a wig that I’m tired of rocking. A plethora of negative thoughts bombarded my mind: “Why am I not 20 pounds lighter? What is taking my dern hair so long to grow back? And why is my chin breaking out?!?! ARGH!” I even went as to far question why am I not married right now? (I know, dramatic), but in my negative mind I thought, if I had a husband waiting at home for me, I could go talk his ear off about how bad I felt, and he could rub me on my back and say “Baby it will be ok” (shout out to Method Man), draw me a bath, cook me dinner, make sweet love, and wake up the next floating on cloud 9. But the only thing waiting at home for me was my sweet little fluffy pooch and a pile of clothes to wash.
Thanks to social media, I was able to invite others to my pity party by posting on my Facebook page “I’m seriously having “one of those days” sigh…I wish I could instantly lose 20 pounds & grow back 8 inches of hair…sigh. In due time *shrugs shoulders*”. My friends offered me some great encouragement, but it’s amazing how I didn’t believe or feel any of that in that moment. I wanted to reply back, yeh you think I shouldn’t feel this way, but you lose all of your hair and tell me how you feel then!!! But instead of acting on how I felt, I had to allow their positive thoughts to replace my negative ones. I felt ugly, but I said I am beautiful. And then one of my friends posted a link to YouTube. I clicked on it and smiled. It was Leah Smith’s song “Beautifully Made”. It summed up exactly how I was feeling at the moment, and served as a reminder that no matter how you may feel, the truth is that you have been created in the image and likeness of God, and that within itself makes you beautiful. I played it about 10 times, and let those words sink into my soul.
This experience has definitely been a challenge to my self-esteem, but I am learning just because I feel a certain way doesn’t mean it is true. Truth is I am beautiful because I was created by the most beautiful, amazing, wondrous, magnificent being EVER!!! He would never say the things about me that I have said about myself, so I have to check my thoughts when they are the opposite of the truth. Pointing out my flaws is not progressive, it’s destructive, so I must be proactive about building myself up, and allowing others to speak words of life. Everyday, with every uplifting word I speak about myself, I am rebuilding my confidence, and learning how to love myself better. Like India Arie said, “If I am a reflection of Him, than I MUST be fly”…
Psalm 139:14 (God’s Word Translation)
I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.