I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright, Sun-Shiny day.
I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day.
After 3 challenging but reflective months, 90 days of occasional heartburn, slight nausea, constipation, hair loss (everywhere might I add lol), shocking pains, headaches, fatigue, aloe juice, epsom salt baths, no mani/pedis, 12 extra pounds, 4 new wigs and emotionally charged days, I can say that I made it through. I officially finished my last day of chemotherapy on Wednesday, August 18th, surrounded by laughter, love and lilies. *wink* It was all surreal to be honest. It was raining that morning, which ruined the chemo crews’ wardrobe plans of dressing up and looking fly. But I still decided to wear my white linen pants…white makes me feel regal. I could barely sleep the night before because I was so anxious to put this all behind me. No more Taxotere, no more Cytoxcin. From August 18th and beyond, I will no longer have to deal with chemo ever again. By the time we walked out of there, the sun was shining, and I felt like I had a new lease on life.
I remember one day my Pastor, Dr. Mike Freeman, was talking about his mother being diagnosed with cancer. He shared with us how she had so much faith in God about that situation, and she literally did not have an ounce of worry. She explained to him, when life brings you challenges, you just “have to go through”. But not going through as you must suffer, or accept defeat, but you just pass through it. It’s only temporary. We already have been promised the victory, we just have to push through all the junk to get to the other side. I had a dream one night about walking through a dense rainforest; I knew exactly where I had to go, and that I had the tools (a machete) and tenacity (my faith) to get to the other side, but I had to put one foot in front of the other to move past the dense bushes and darkness. It was hot, and I could hear animals making noises. I thought about there being snakes and wild monkeys that would attack me, but I kept pressing forward. I eventually got to the other side where there was a beach, my idea of peace and tranquility.
I am now on that beach, looking back at the jungle of chemo, and thanking God that I made it through. And to be honest, even with all the changes I went through physically, emotionally and mentally, my summer was still exciting and enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I decided to make a list of gains and losses, everything I felt sad about “losing” this summer, and everything I gained (weight not included lol). After 20 minutes, my gains significantly outweighed my losses. I made a decision in my heart to stay focused on the gains side of the paper. Those things made me happy, and reminded me of regardless of what I’m going through, life is still beautiful.
Now that chemo is behind me forever, I can move on to the next 6 weeks of radiation. Another battle means another victory. And I can once again go through because I know regardless of the storms, it’s going to turn into a bright, sun-shiny day. 🙂
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ.